Happy Wednesday! Wednesday was always my favorite day of the week growing up – I love a halfway point. Once I’m halfway through anything, I have the confidence that I can finish the last half. Whether I’m on a run, working on a project, or on an airplane – when I hit the 50% mark, I become instantly more confident that I can take on the final 50%. So cheers to making it halfway!
Anyways, back to today’s topic: becoming a batshit crazy housewife.
I have always been busy. Growing up, I was a straight A student which required studying long hours during the school year. When summer rolled around, I competitively waterskied – we practiced 3-4 times per week and traveled to tournaments every weekend. My mom also insisted that my brother and I read an hour every day and complete math and science homework assignments daily as well. My mom was a little crazy back then (sorry mom) and insisted that our teachers from the upcoming grades give her the textbooks so that we could get a head start on next year’s homework. Needless to say, I was always on the go and my schedule was filled.
This continued throughout college and even after I left college, as I was working full time and started traveling 2-4 times per month. I’ve either been working or going to school my entire life up until last September. Last summer, Brandon and I decided to shut down the business he owned that I had been working for (I’ve been an “employee” of his since we started dating and will definitely do a post or two about that dynamic because there’s enough there to write a novel.) We wound the business down at the end of September and I’ve been a housewife *housegirlfriend to be exact* ever since.
Let me tell you – being a housewife is enough to make the most sane woman go batshit crazy.
At first it was a DREAM. We traveled all over – Rome, Hong Kong, Macau, Singapore, Palm Springs, Cabo – we traveled the world and I didn’t have a care in the world. No emails. No stress. Brandon and I just soaked in every minute together – with each passing moment creating a new adventure. That lasted for 2 months.
By the time December rolled around, Batshit Crazy Natalie made her debut.
We lovingly refer to her as “BCN.” She is my alter ego. Because I had nothing stimulating me from my career or education, I became obsessed with organizing. I organized every inch of our homes. Every closet was color coordinated and labeled. Every drawer had a diagram. I cleaned out my closet every 2 weeks – taking The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up to a whole new extreme. It became my mission in life to keep things orderly.
Now you might be thinking, “Gee Natalie. That doesn’t sound so bad.” And hey, you’re right – I wasn’t worried about bills, kids, colleagues, or health issues – in the scheme of things, I had it pretty good. But I was so miserable because, for the first time in my life, I didn’t have a purpose.
So I took it out on Brandon. Poor guy – I can’t tell you how many times I freaked out on him for not putting his golf clubs away or for leaving half-empty water bottles on what seemed like every open surface in the house.
In March, I reached an all time low. Brandon and I arrived home to Vancouver after a busy morning of meetings in Orlando and a long day of travel. When we got home at 11PM, we brought our bags up to the closet and I unpacked, organized and cleaned while he hung out and watched TV in the living room. An hour later, he came upstairs and half unpacked/half threw his shit everywhere. And then. He went. To bed.
I bet you can guess what happened next. I reached new levels of crazy. My neurotic self just couldn’t take the clothes, travel-sized hair sprays, and sneakers flung across what was an immaculately clean closet just minutes before. I spent the next 15 minutes ranting about why he needed to pick his clothes up. He listened with a smile on his face and when I was finally off my soapbox, he smiled and said “okay honey” and did exactly what I asked him to.
I stood there, arms crossed and felt like the world’s biggest bitch.
He had done nothing wrong – he unpacked the same way he’s unpacked for fifty years. He was tired after being up for 20 hours and just wanted to grab some shut eye before the alarm went off the next morning. I was the crazy one.
He joined me in bed and he hadn’t even pulled the covers over him when I profusely started apologizing. I let him know how sorry I was for being so rude and controlling and how much I appreciated him putting his things where they’re meant to go. He kindly kissed me on the forehead and said, “no worries babe.”
Here’s what I learned – the issue is never actually the issue. I had been feeling lost in my new “housewife” role. I felt a loss of control and in many ways, a loss in my identity. I’ve been working through this and am 7429374582 times happier today than I was 6 months ago because I made some significant changes in my life. If you find yourself in a similar spot, listen up. Here are my recommendations for how to own your crazy and get things back in the right direction:
Apologize to whoever you’re taking your issues out on.
And apologize quickly after your crazy comes out. Whether it’s a spouse, a friend, a parent, or a coworker. If it happens, own up to it and say I’m sorry. There is no shame in admitting when you’re wrong and it’s not worth the tension that sweeping it under the rug creates. Put your big girl pants on and just apologize. My apologies usually sound like this: “I’m sorry for acting like a lunatic. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure and anxiety recently and I shouldn’t take it out on you. I will work on this going forward. Will you forgive me?” Done. Easy peezy. But the next step is actually putting in the work to make a change moving forward.
Be kind to yourself.
Remind yourself often to give yourself a break. You’re doing the best you can do. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect and give yourself grace. Take a bath. Go on a walk. Meditate. I’ve found apologizing to myself to be incredibly helpful when I’m struggling with something. We rarely give ourselves the same grace we give others. Take a moment and apologize to yourself for being too hard on yourself.
Get to the root cause.
Once you’ve taken care of the collateral damage and given yourself grace, take a good, hard look at the underlying reasons for your outbreaks. What area of your life is causing your crazy to come out? My closet outbreak had nothing to do with the closet – it had to do with my uncertainty about my place in life. Once you can acknowledge the root of the issue, then you can start making real change.
Goal setting has changed my life. Today I am happier, healthier, and more fulfilled than I’ve ever been because I spent time back in March to create goals aimed to change to the areas of my life that I was unhappy about. Now, I write these goals down every morning in my journal to make them real and top of mind. Once you’ve identified what you’re struggling with, make goals that are in your control that will turn around that particular issue.
This might involve a whole life overhaul. It did for me. At the time, I was eating poorly, not regularly exercising, and struggled falling asleep at night. So for me, I woke up early the next morning, worked out hard, ate clean, read for 60 minutes, and created a 2025 vision board. That’s what I needed that day to redirect my focus and start the process for some big changes. You might not need to rework your 8 year plan – it could be something small. But whatever it is, do it today.
I’m happy to say that I no longer am OCD about my closet or putting everything in its place. In fact, if you could look at my closet today, you’d be shocked that a few short months ago it was clean because today, it is a mess. And you know what? I don’t mind. I can sit here, in my office and be okay with the mess upstairs because having an immaculate closet will not get me any closer to where I want to be in 2025. My batshit crazy period is over but I’m sure BCN will poke her head out sooner or later. But this time around, I know what it takes to calm her down and redirect her energy into something productive.
Have you had a batshit crazy period in your life? How did you navigate it with your significant other? Send me your tips and tricks for navigating your cray cray.
Until tomorrow – Xoxo Natalie
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