As a younger woman in an age gap relationship, it’s easy to allow imposter syndrome sneak in.
He is older. You are younger. Sure, you’re an old soul and when you’re together, you don’t remotely feel the age difference. But he is in fact older and, as nice as it sounds, you don’t live in a bubble together. You have people in your life: friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances and the like. No matter how old your soul is, you have not had the sheer amount of experiences your partner has.
And let’s take this a step further, you didn’t fall in love with him because he was uninteresting, had nothing to say, and was a complete couch potato before you met him. You met him and he lit you up. He was the smartest guy in the room. He had more energy and charisma than anyone you had dated before. So he’s not just an average guy – he’s an extraordinary guy who is also older than you.
But you’re extraordinary too. And honestly -he fell in love with you, in part, for who you are today, but also the promise of who you are going to become. A classy, sophisticated woman who can hold her own in any room, during any conversation, with anyone. Someone he never has to worry about embarrassing him. Someone who can come along side him and be his cheerleader, even when things aren’t cheery. Someone who can help him reach his greatest potential but also has goals of her own and pursues them passionately.
It can feel a little hard to live up to, huh? Especially when you’re in the throws of being… young.
Living Up To Your Age Gap
Give Yourself Time
It is easy to feel like the clock is ticking and that you need to have the answers yesterday when you’re around people who have lived decades longer than you. But you’re not being fair to yourself. Don’t fall into that trap. You need time in order to get where you want to go. I find it helpful to think about what Brandon was like at my age. Would we have gotten along? Would I have liked his friends? Would we have dated? We he an immature kid? Remembering that your older guy was once your age, still figuring himself out, helps give you perspective.
No One Has All The Answers
Look – you might spend your time around people who have their shit figured out more than you do. I get that. But I can promise you that even the most put together people still don’t have all the answers. You don’t wake up when your 60 and unlock the secret to a happy life. It just doesn’t work that way. And it’s a beautiful thing to know that we’ll always be challenged. That we need to continue to grow. That questions are still left to be answered. Let no one convince you otherwise – no matter how many years your senior.
Don’t Wish Your Youth Away
You will never have more opportunity than you do right in this very moment. You have the opportunity to try new things. To get uncomfortable. To learn a new skill. To look stupid. To fail. To succeed. Why, as younger women, do we wish away our youth for experience? We need to own our youth and cherish the moments of becoming. It’s incredibly challenging to trust the process but we must in order to live a fulfilled life. No one looks back on their lives and thinks, “I wish I would have spent more time worrying about the future.” This time in life is precious – don’t wish it away.
Find Role Models
What could be more important that finding an example of what you want to become and studying what they’ve done order to create that for yourself? There are women who have gone before you and navigated age gap relationships. Find them. Read about them. Reach out to them. And ask for advice. You need their help and I promise, they will help you. Why go at it alone?
Let’s get back to the part where he fell in love with you, as you are, today. Not the older version of you, who has life all figured out. Don’t forget that. Your job is to stay committed to your core values and be relentless in all that you do. Stay the course my friend. You might feel the pressure to figure everything out ASAP but the people in your life aren’t creating that pressure. You are. Be who you are – the person who doesn’t give up when it’s hard and is on a mission to impact the world. That is the best version of you. Xoxo Natalie
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