Okay, quick recap:
Last September, I entered early retirement at age 25. And what do people do when they retire?
Playing golf everyday is the American dream for some. I mean, what’s not to love? You get to see pristine courses, wear cute outfits, hangout with your friends, ride around in a golf cart – all while sipping on your favorite cocktail. Sign me up!… so I thought. Brandon is a member at a number of courses and he loves to play. He hasn’t played much over the past few years because we have been B-U-S-Y. The few times he did play before I stopped working were a blast. I’d sit in the cart with my computer on my lap, working away while he’d drive around and play the game he loves so much. This past year, we were spending more time in sunny spots and my work came to a screeching halt – so we figured it was the perfect time for me to learn the game. He’d finally get to teach me something (I kid I kid), we could still spend time together, and I figured, “I have free time on my hands right now and what else should I be doing as a retired 25 year old house-girlfriend?”
I got the clubs. The outfits. And started taking lessons just in time to realize: what the hell am I thinking?! I can’t take up golf! It’s one thing to joke about being retired… it’s another thing to actually start acting like I’m retired. I mean, what if I actually liked it? And became one of those people who talks about golf 24/7? And never wanted to do anything with my life besides drink all day and play golf?
I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT.
I need to do something with my life. It’s different when you work your whole life and feel a sense of accomplishment when you’ve earned the right to spend your days kicking back on the front nine. It’s another story when your career has barely started and you’re still looking to make an impact on the world. At the time, even though I didn’t have to do anything else, I also didn’t have the time to waste on collecting new hobbies that detract me from my life’s work – whatever that may be. If I look back, this was the beginning of my batshit crazy housewife days. The start of my restlessness. The beginning of my search.
I’ve mentioned this before, but it hits me often than I’m living my life in reverse. I skipped the party and sleeping around phase and have spent the majority of my 20’s in a committed relationship, sitting in business meetings that someone my age has no business being in, and spending 90% of my time around people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who talk about legacy, their regrets, their accomplishments, and what they would do if they could start all over again. This is invaluable and while I’m not currently working a 7-7 job and climbing up the corporate ladder, I’m paying attention and learning from the people who’ve been there.
Funny enough, they never talk about wanting to make more money. They almost exclusively talk about spending more time with the people they love, pursuing their passions, and impacting the causes that matter to them.
So I continually ask myself, “what does that look like for me?”
Well here I was, with my new golf paraphernalia and PXG clubs that cost pretty penny. These clubs were made for me and even have my name embroidered on the back in a princess font. I felt guilty for a little while when I realized that I wanted to quit before I even began. But this was a turning point for me.
And leads me to today’s topic: how do you stay focused on your money goals?
I have had countless conversations with other women, in age gap relationships, who have this exact same challenge. I can only speak from my experience and say: this is a tough one to navigate. Dating someone older who has money can completely pull you off course because, all of the sudden, an easy way out presents itself.
You don’t have to work as hard as you did. You have access to resources that you didn’t know existed. And this weird thing happens where your goals feel small in comparison to everything he has achieved and created. But hear me loud and clear: do not give up on these things because you will always have a far greater sense of accomplishment if you do something yourself than if someone else does it for you.
It’s easy to lose sight of your goals and ambitions in relationships, especially where there’s an age gap and the other person makes more than you. I didn’t see this coming and I got lost in it. I started focusing more on helping him achieve his goals than focusing on my own goals and our collective goals as a couple. I’ve always been a hard worker but the truth is I got lazy about fighting for my goals and furthering my ambitions. And the hard lesson that I had to learn is this:
Sometimes you have to say no to good things.
Traveling around the world, early retirement, supporting your guy while he works, and golfing all day are inherently good things. Just not when they come at the expense of the things that matter to you.
If I can give any advice, it would be to relentlessly protect and cultivate your dreams, your goals, your career, your passions, your family, and your friends. Because, oftentimes, they are quick to fall to the wayside when you become part of someone else’s more established life. Their people, their work, their life can start to feel more important than yours because you’re younger and might have less going on. It’s okay to feel this way but don’t cave into this feeling. If you do, I can promise that you’re going to get lost. But hey – that’s okay too. I’ve been lost a time or two.
It’s easy to do. You can expect a wakeup call to come when you’re least expecting it and pay attention to it. The good news is you have time. We all do. To reignite our passions and say no to the good things in order to pursue our things.
Happy weekend loves.
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